Say What?: Five Things You Should Know

Being the dramatically mellow yet ignorant Asian I am, I come to at least five realizations each week. On the two days I don't have epiphanies, I am too busy licking the KFC-chicken grease off my fingers, or winning a Bomberman deathmatch. I never lose. There. If its on the internets, it must be true.

I previously assumed that my revelations were new to me alone, but last night, when I was satisfying my sleepytime munchies with some seafood pasta from Cinderella's and guzzling down Matters' TAB cola (Matters, now we're even for the meatballs and sausage pizza), I shared one of this week's revelations with Buck, upon which he sprung out of his seat, ripped his clothes off, and played the theme song to Family Matters on Tom's keyboard with his left testicle, before imploding.

Matters, I have some Febreze in my car, to get the smell of bike grease and Connecticut out of the carpet.

The point is people, after experiencing what happened to Buck, I decided that it was crucial to inform you, the loyal fans, of these revelations I have each week, to avoid further implosions and genitalia-invoked TV theme songs.

Revelation #1: No one is good at karaoke.

The majority of people think singing = karaoke singing. Not true. Karaoke is significantly harder that normal singing for several reasons. Foremost, the background music is purposely horrendous. It'd be easy enough to use real music, with real instruments, but thats not karaoke. Karaoke is about singing to a bad polka-ized MIDI rendition of a song that is faster and in a different key than the original. The key is what always gets ya. Sure, you know for a fact that you can hit the high notes in "Fly Like an Eagle"...but can you hit the high notes in Polygram's techno version of "Fly Like an Eagle" in C#dim7sus9?

Revelation #2: Garbage bins are better than trash cans.

For our huge End of September bash, Madman and I placed a garbage bin in the apartment. A week later, it's still there. Why? Because its so goddamn convenient. it holds significantly more than our puny trash can which we have to empty twice a week. Yes it's ugly, and we think there's something living in the bottom of it, but it's abundance of utility greatly surpasses its lack of glamour. And whatever is living at the bottom of it will eventually die.

Revelation #3: Friends don't buy friends inflatable presents.

All good birthday presents induce orgasms, taste good with beer, or last forever. Inflatable products do not fall into any of these categories. Well...there are some exceptions.

Revelation #4: The international integration of product and capital markets has been constraining private sector employment as well as the financial viability of the welfare state.

Since the second oil-price crisis of 1979/80 was met by restrictive monetary and expansionary fiscal policies in the United States, the steep increase of real interest rates in the international capital markets forced other central banks to raise interest rates accordingly. As a consequence, employment-creating investments could only be maintained if the share of profits in the national product was significantly increased. Well...there are some exceptions.

Revelation #5: You don't have to eat everything on your plate.

Yes, people in are starving, but...well shit. I don't want any more fries.

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