As the first installment of this heap of excrement (generously bestowed the rank of English text) some explanation is warranted. This column is chartered to violently probe the orifices of science, nature, and the universe.
In keeping with the narcissistic self-aggrandizing precedent of this blog, today's MATTER OF INTEREST will be me.
LIFE ALTERING FACT #1 I was awarded a seat of indefinite tenure on this triumverate of webly loggers for my profanity laden critique of last Monday. It can be found in shamelessly adulterated form here.
LIFE ALTERING FACT #2 I am a humble citizen of East Cambridge. I live in a 146ft. Ivory tower, engraved with dragons and likenesses of Bill Murray, which can be seen below, from a distance of 3 miles, looming over the skyline of our fair city (red arrow).
In conclusion, for so long as it is allowed by my capricious handlers Henners and A-Dub, this section will serve up a host of personal neuroses, vendettas, and trivia that should prove thoroughly uninteresting to the general public, readers of this blog, and FBI agents tirelessly scouring the internet for instances of the word jihad. Jihad jihad jihad.
~Matters
3 comments:
In the words of Walken, "Woweeewowow."
Let me just clarify, because there seems to be some confusion on this point, yes the red arrow is indeed part of the picture. I have a colossal red arrow hanging precariously over my house so that people can locate it in photographs. Brich (can I call you Brich?) you may certainly write about my tower of Murray. I will include a brief history.
In 1897, the Tang family, wealthy second generation Chinese-American merchants moved into what is now East Cambridge, following the migration of textile workers to the region in the early 1890s. Much of the land in the region was, at the time, fetid "brine swamp," which made traditional housing unlivable in the summer. In 1903 Shasta Tang, head of the Tang Empire commissioned a spectacular Ivory tower to be built in honor of his favored mistress Eliza Gray. The following winter 4500 head of elephant were marched from a reserve in Central America to East Cambridge, where they were slaughtered en masse for their Ivory and discarded in the Back Bay Fens. The tower was completed in 1906 and remained in the Tang family until the late 1980s. The Tang family was bankrupted by a series of poor investments (including a failed powdered drink empire which still bears the Tang name today). William Tang sold the famed tower to Gonzo Journalist Hunter Thompson in 1986 to support a Faberge egg/cocaine addiction. Thompson had the tower engraved with the likeness of college roommate, Bill Murray, as a tribute to the actor's role in Ghost Busters. Sadly the tower soon fell into disrepair and was entrusted to the City of Cambridge in 1992. The Murray tower, as it has come to be called, is widely regarded as one of the city's most atrocious eyesores. In recent days it has become a black eye for what is by all accounts a very progressive city, attracting criminals and riffraff of all kinds.
Riffraff... that's me!
Brichzeenie, perhaps you are familiar with the old adage "you can't make an omelet without the brutal massacre of thousands of elephants." I think we can agree that it applies in the case of the Murray tower.
As a student of art history you must be aware of the age old connection between senseless killing and great artistic works. For example, when the Mona Lisa was completed, Davinci destroyed his subject and burned her village to the ground to prevent other renaissance artists from duplicating his masterpiece. Sadly it was to no avail; competitors simply copied the painting itself.
By the way, what was the other word in your portmanteau? I can only think of one.
Matt
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